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Ugh why do i get nausea every time i'm put on a new pill? I rarely ever get sick on new pills (minus the one a few months ago), so why? Two new pills, not sure if I am all too happy about them. Though I do feel awake, more so than usual. Well, not now, but when I woke up.

First time i felt so awake in a very very long time.

recently i've been waking with headaches and stiffness, and basically felt a zombie. I always felt more tired than when i went to bed in the first place.

well i went to see a psychiatrist today...

and as it turns out, she wants blood work on me for my thyroids, as well as prescribed me zoloft and trazodone.

also on the prescriptions, she wrote "PTSD", away from everything else written on the paper, in big all capped letters.

great. just great. I might be moving in a month. we shall see.

Some people throw away friends when they've no use for them. I don't believe in that. friends are family, and family are friends. I was reminded this, earlier today, when I helped a somewhat friend with budgeting.



"Thank you Jess. I know i never really talked to you much but you're honestly a very good person with good values and you make a lot of sense."



it's been a while since i was really ever able to talk to my friends. Many friends have gotten very busy schedules, as I have, and that caused there to be little communication. I know most say you don't really keep friends from high school, and the same is for those you've fallen for, but you know, my friends and i have stayed strong in our love for each other, in the past 2 years, 2.5 years since I have left. it's not much, but at least i know who my real friends are.



It's also good to know that I actually do make any sense, let alone a lot of sense *grins*

i am a bit excited, mostly due to the fact that the guy who gave me the application at the sushi counter was very taken with me. I hope it works out the rest of the way and that i do get this job. If not, I have other places, at least six places, I got to apply too yesterday to check out. A small amount of them are far away from base and the house so I might not check those out, just because I don't want any chances that i would not be able to get there on time, like with UTZ, and get fired because of lack of reliable transportation. Right now i only have my permit, so driving by myself is obviously not a good idea. And since the wreck, i'm not quite sure i am ready to drive with just myself yet. I drove yesterday around base and i was freaking out about making any mistake. So far, because it was my first time driving this car out in traffic, my break foot was a little heavier, (i was testing it slightly and gently before I had to stop for the traffic lights), and there was one turn where I got part of the car on another lane, which was fixed quickly, of course. I think that one was more of a fear when Tim was in the passenger seat. He didn't want me to use that lane lol.

Anyway, working in the sushi department might do me some good.

So that is what i hope to get. it pays $7.50 an hour, $0.25 per hour more than UTZ ever dared to pay their warehouse people, and it's enough to help out whenever I can. We really need to save up for the move. I am thinking that once i get the job, my money can also go towards the housing savings, the move (one plane ticket, and then one time car drive up to TN = $400)? So I am working on that also. Not too crazy about getting on a plane again but it beats driving like we did to get here from PA.

Gods, this is so annoying. if you want to trade, fine. if you don't, fine. THAT'S THE END OF IT! stop changing your mind based on some fucking lie and sugar-coated words.

Shoji: (joking) I promise. i'll have my hands full with you and Sachiko.

Nana: that's right, Sachiko is a wild woman, you'd never make it.

Shoji: Who the heck is Sachiko???



Note** Sachiko was this hot girl that Nana virtually made up out of small jealous suspicion to be Shoji's side squeeze when Nana wasn't around and they were long distance. Later on in the show, Shoji actually does fall in love with a young cute woman named Sachiko who works and goes to the same university as he does, has an affair with her behind nana's back for a while, and when nana finds out, he dumps Nana for her.

For the members I would like to give a special thanks too, are:



NoctisLucisCaelum

Burkasvigilo

cradleoftheblood666

theserpent

NightWalker85

Things have been going well with the coven. I have 20 members, and five of those members are very active in both the forums and the favor.

I have three that are semi active, who are more active in favor than they are posting, but i believe one of them is going to start posting more often.

The others are barely active, but then, that's just about every coven (unless you are a coven that kicks people out for not being active for a day or a week).

For a coven that started a week and five days ago, I think we're doing fairly well. I have to thank all the training I received from the covens I have been in who gave me positions and taught me many things about their own Covens. There are people that helped me significantly that I would love to single out at the moment.



xxBlackHawkxx

AMurderOfSin

LightningCaelum

PandorasBx



You have all helped me along this journey and I thank you all. i am proud to have been in your Covens or taken part of your Alliance, and I am proud of my Coven, and I hope that you will see my coven as an extension of your work.

私はもう普通のうわべだけを維持することはできない

私はむしろ、もうあなたと一緒に収まるようにしようとも痛みを感じると思います

私はすべての距離他のみんなと同じようにスローされます

私は最終的に私は自分自身をされたくない私'原因となることができます

I had posted this some time ago, on another site. the only work i did was put my favorite songs together.



so if you love me let me go

just run away before i know

my heart is just too dark to care

i can't destroy what isn't there

frozen inside without your touch

without your love, darling

only you are alive among the dead

how can you see into my eyes

like open doors

bring a new dawn into my core

where i've become so numb

long lost words whispered slowly

to me

still can't find what keeps me here

when all this time i've been so hallow inside

I know well what lies behind my sleeping refuge

Hello I am your lie living for you so you can hide

Without the mask

Where would you hide

Can’t find yourself

Lost in your lies

Catch me as I fall

Say you’re here and it’s all over now

Is it true what they say

Are we too blind to find our way

Fear of the unknown cloud our hearts

Today

Fear is withering the soul

At the point of no return

Fallen angel tell me why

Give me a reason the thorn in your eye

I wont give in, I wont give up

No more denying I got to face it

Wont close my eyes and hide the truth inside

It’s the fear of the dark

That’s growing inside of me

I’d give my heart give my soul

The moon she hangs like a cruel portrait

Soft wind whispers the bidding of dreams

As this tragedy starts with a shattered glass heart

And the midnightmare of dreams

But oh, no tears please

Screams have gone

To many have fallen

Few still stand tall

Will we remember

Will we survive

Cold was my soul

Untold was my pain

I faced when you left me

A rose in the rain

So I swore to the razor that

Ever enchained that your dark nails

Of faith be pushed through my veins again

Spare your hissing sentiments

For her fee welts more than thine

We have spent our time

Drenched in opulent splendour

You’ll never see me fall from grace

All in all it’s just another brick in the wall

I have done the best I can

I did my time

All across the world

We’ll drown out your sound

All across the world

We’re breaking you down

Hold on be strong

What do I have to do

Why can’t this hurt be through

I’m going on onto something

I know I will fail

Birds are circling above

They come back to a waiting glove

Oh why don’t they

Fly away

I’m so sick

I’ll take you there and back again

It’s not like you to walk away

From all this bullshit I can’t take

It’s not like me to walk away

One, nothing wrong with me

Two, nothing wrong with me

Three, nothing wrong with me

Four, nothing wrong with me

One, something’s got to give

Two, something’s got to give

Three, something’s got to give

Behind these empty walls

I bled for days

It’s meaningless

No they don’t have to take you away

I dare you

Surrender

Undeniable

Insensitive

Turn it up, turn it up

You were gone for a while now. It's hard to believe it. Gods, no one could know how much I miss you, and still love you. your birthday was 18 days ago. It would have been your 20th. To think you didn't even make it to your 18th... such a horrible thought, love.

You know, very few know of what I felt for you. Chris, Richard... i think Cassie knew. But then, she loved you too (more of a friend, though). Everyone still writes on your page in facebook hon. We all wish you could just come back to us, but apparently pain was too strong for you to stay.

I know you watch over us all. It hurts... you know, I haven't been to the Fae festival since you died?

Haven't been to dutch days either.



No, I ran away from town. I ran away. I couldn't stay in school that day. Chris took me home when I announced that I refused to do so. Many people worried, when I was gone for a week.

They thought i would follow you.

Truth be told, I almost did. Not then, when you died.

After.

It's not because I miss you. I almost did it because... mostly I feel lonely too.

I blame myself partly for what happened. If only i heeded the warning i felt in my gut to go to your house... perhaps you would have been alive still. but then, would I have ever the guts to tell you that I loved you? I didn't even say it until the shock of your death wore off.

Everyone loves you, so very much hon.

Still.

You're not completely gone, are you? they believe you in heaven, and heaven is a wonderful belief, a place you would deserve.

the influence you had on us all, whether in our home town, or across the world, it will be engraved in our hearts, love.

Forever.

There is one more thing....



I love you, Enid.



Tenga